Doctor's visit

scene: a grandfatherly doctor and young man talking in the doctor's office. set in the '40s. the dr. smokes a pipe.

doctor: i'm afraid i have bad news for you, son.

patient: what is it, doc? is it serious?

doctor: you'd better sit down. you appear to have a severe case of scabby bag.

(cue music.)

(patient turns visibly white.)

doctor (sitting down across from the patient): son, have you been picking at your bag with some sort of sharp tool? be honest, now.

patient (looks at ground, then at doctor): oh, doctor! i've been tweezering my sac for the ladies! only, last week i was drunk and tweezered a patch of skin. and now my bag is scabbed! scabby and hairy. and the scabs stick to my pants and rip open when i walk.

(long pause. doctor relights his pipe and looks gravely at his patient.)

doctor: son, i think it's time we call for father michaels.

(light fades.)